i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
