I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize