Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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