im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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