what day is it and did you see me today?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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