You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
