Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
