And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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