There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
