the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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