I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
