I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
