some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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