the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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