On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
