Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
