I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
