Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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