dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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