Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
