I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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