I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
