Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
