You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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