were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
