It's Friday. Sex?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
