I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
