there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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