dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So vagazzling was a success
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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