They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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