isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
