At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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