I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up backwards on a recliner
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
