Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
