i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
