jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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