He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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