maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
