I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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