I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
