Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
