I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
