i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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