i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
