Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
