As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
