i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I am morally bankrupt
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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