**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
