If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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