before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
