Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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