she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
