he wants to bone in the snuggie
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
