haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
