god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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