Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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