so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
