Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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