No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
