I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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