I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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