I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
