meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
