If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
