It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
