Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What a dumb baby whore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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