I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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