it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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