I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
