you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
