Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
