so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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