I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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