She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The air was thick with penises
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
