I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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