just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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