About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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