i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
