in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
