I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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