bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
