if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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