So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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