hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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