booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
