Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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