I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
