someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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