If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
