at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize