No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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